Chicks Heart Fights

One day, I’ll do Liveblog! the Musical. Not tonight, though. There are too many great fights scheduled for tonight for me to fit in a musical number. (Though I’m working on it. Something in the Fosse style.) Please feel free to comment, or email me at chicksheartfights@gmail.com. And, join me, after the jump.

Todd Harris is our broadcaster for the evening, along with Frank Mir. I’m going to try really hard to say positive things about Frank Mir. Like, he’s wearing a nice watch. They are getting right down to business, and we will see Rob McCullough vs. Kenneth Alexander after the commercial break.

McCullough vs. Alexander
Both fighters are from California, and I didn’t hear “California Love.” In fact, McCullough comes into Kanye West’s Stronger. The last time we saw McCullough, he was losing to Jamie Varner. Frank Mir says that sometimes things happen in people’s personal lives. Frank Mir speaks the truth.

Have I mentioned that Joe Martinez is my favorite ring announcer? Because he is. Another good suit, Joe. It does not look like you beat up a mobster and stole his suit, unlike some other announcers . Here we go: both fighters start with conservative stand-up, and Alexander takes a shot a one minute in, but McCullough uses it to get the takedown. They only stay on the ground for a few seconds, and they are back up for more conservative stand-up. The crowd is not happy about it. McCullough throws some kicks and punches, but not much more. Alexander tries to work some underhooks for a takedown, but it doesn’t work. Alexander blocks a kick and uses it for a takedown attempt, but McCullough stands up. Alexander just misses a knee, and McCullough sustains a cut just below his eye. Round 1 is over - and it’s very even.

Round 2: Alexander throws a short kick and then a single leg, but McCullough defends it well and they are both back up. McCullough is focusing so much on defense, that we are seeing little offense from him. Pretty weak. He needs to try to win the fight, too, not just not lose it. The stand-up is still going on, and no one is doing much damage. Alexander gets a takedown, but can’t do much with it. They’re back up. Alexander gets another takedown, but can’t do much with it as the round ends.

Round 3: More stand-up. Yawn. I’m getting sleepy. Halfway through the final round, and nothing substantive has been done. McCullough gives Alexander a groin shot. It seems unintentional, but still no fun for Alexander. Maybe this will piss off Alexander enough for an actual fight to happen. Alexander shoots in but had a bad angle, but then tries kicks, punches, everything. Alexander gets a nice takedown, but doesn’t do much with it, and they’re back up. The fight is over, and I have no clue he won. I’d give it a 60/40 edge to Alexander because he seemed more aggressive, but I truly have no idea.

Am I the only person who adores the “It only hurts if you lose” commercials on Versus?

Split decision for Rob McCullough - pretty boring fight. The crowd is booing like crazy, as well they should.

Mark Munoz vs. Chuck Grigsby
Not that you can hear me, but I might will yell for Mark a lot during this fight. GOOOO MAAAAAAAAARRRRRRKKKKKKK! Sorry. I will be unbiased from this point on. Ezra points out that Todd Harris just said that Mark went to Oklahoma. I think John Smith might have something to say about that. Grigsby has really weird hair - mostly bald with a little tail in the back. When Mark walks out, they say he went to Okie St. I see Clay Guida in the background, shadowboxing and rapping along with Mark’s entrance song (something DMX.) Grigsby has a six inch height advantage, and a seven inch reach advantage. The crowd is definitely on Mark’s side - not a surprise since he is from California.

Round 1: Mark takes a shot, but Grigsby’s has a good sprawl and they are back up. Mark takes a punch, then tries another single leg, and gets him down. Mark gets in full guard, and works some ground and pound, but both fighters miss some submission attempts. Mark throws some overhand punches, and Grigsby is out. Mark wins. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! Mark has a huge smile, and is super excited. So awesome.

Donald Cerrone vs. Danny Castillo
Castillo has a lot of hair gel. Cerrone’s mug shot looks nothing like him. And here we go: Cerrone is sponsored by Jesus Didn’t Tap. Castillo gets a very awkward takedown, though Cerrone seems more in control. Castillo stands above Cerrone and throws a punch, Cerrone catches it, and works a very tough arm bar. Mazzagatti calls it, Cerrone - who is now wearing a Tapout cowboy hat - is the winner by submission.

For some reason, there are a lot of guys in sleeveless t-shirts in the crowd. For the record, I am 100% against sleeveless t-shirts on men, unless that man is a cagefighter, not just a cagefighting fan. Are sleeveless t-shirts big in Sacto?

Miguel Torres vs. Yoshiro Maeda
Maeda says he wants to take the belt back to Japan. Do you have to declare that in customs? Do you take it as a carry-on? How does that work? Maeda comes out to Sabotage by the Beastie Boys. Are the boys big in Japan? I have so many questions on this one. Clay Guida has the best seats in the place tonight, because he is right next to the place where the fighters disrobe before entering the cage. He is also a nonstop source of humor, from his shoes to his dancing. Keep it up, Clay! Torres comes out to a Spanish language that I don’t recognize, but I guess it does it for him. Torres is from East Chicago, Indiana, and I don’t mess with anyone from East Chicago. For being such lightweights - 135 lbs - both men are tall. Torres is 5′9, Maeda is 5′7″.

Round 1: Torres kicks, and Maeda uses it to take down Torres, but Torres gets right up and throws some vicious kicks and punches. Maeda takes down Torres, but then Torres gets very close to an armbar. Maeda spins out of it, and they’re back on their feet. Both fighters are using knees and kicks. Maeda uses a kick to take down Torres but then scoots out from the guard and they’re both back up. Maeda swings for the fences, but doesn’t land anything. Round 1 is over, and we have seen much more action then during the entire McCullough/Alexander fight.

Round 2: Torres gets knocked down, and then throws an upkick to the chin. Impressive. Torres is back up, and the flurry of kicks from both fighters continues. Torres takes Maeda to the fence with punches and knees, and then Maeda comes back with punches and knees and takes down Torres. Both guys are working toe holds, and neither is showing a sign of tapping. They are kicking the hell out of each other, too. Torres gets out and tries to take the back, but Maeda lands a vicious elbow. WOW. They’re back up, and Torres tries a guillotine, and a rear naked choke. Neither happen, but Torres clearly takes the round.

Round 3: A lot of stand-up, and Torres is landing more punches and kicks. Maeda’s face is showing a lot of damage. Torres’ onslaught continues, and Maeda is being much more defensive now - but wait, Maeda takes down Torres and lands some hard, quick punches. Torres never stops working, and keeps striking from the bottom. Maeda stands up, and we see that Maeda’s eye is completely swollen shut. Another strong round for Torre - this is a title fight, so it’s going five rounds.

Round 4: Nope, not going to be a round four. Herb Dean stopped the fight after checking out Maeda’s eye. What a great fight. I hope we get to see these two fight again. With the pace of this fight, it would have been a damn miracle if this fight went five rounds.

Faber vs. Pulver
You know, you don’t have to know the fighter’s background to guess which one is the California Kid. Pulver is pasty - and I love him for it. Pulver comes out to Thunderstruck by AC/DC, and wrestling fans everywhere smile. Faber comes to California Love, of course. Urijah is sporting some corn rows, and dancing his way to the cage. I want the job of the guy who just carries out the belt. Frank Mir says that Faber is the best conditioned fighter in the world. Clay Guida is no longer dancing in the background. Dance, Clay, dance! Jens is booed but blows kisses and bows to the crowd. The crowd loves Urijah, of course.

And it begins: Faber punches and then tries to take down Pulver, but it doesn’t happen. Urijah clinches and throws a beautiful uppercut. Faber’s punches are hard and well positioned. Faber slips, and Pulver takes advantage and gets in full guard. Not much happens there, and they are up again. Pulver is poked in the eye, but keeps fighting. The stand up is great from both sides, but Faber’s punches are unbelievable. His right hand is lethal. Faber throws a spinning back fist, and Pulver follows up with a nice combination. Phew. Round 1 is over, and it was definitely Faber’s round.

Round 2: Urijah starts with an unintentional groin kick. Faber immediately knows that he screwed up, and says sorry. I like that. When action resumes, Faber takes Jens down, and he is in guard against the cage. They are back up on their feet, and Faber knocks Pulver down, and tees off, but Pulver survives, Faber tees off again, Pulver still survives and he punches the hell out of Urijah. Faber takes Pulver down, but Pulver tries to work the anaconda, Urijah gets out, and they’re back up. Urijah starts throwing combinations, and works the hell out of that lethal right hand. Round 2 is over, and it too belongs to Faber.

Round 3: Urijah takes down Jens, but he gets right back up. Pulver is so damn resilient. Faber goes for a takedown, but Jens has such good sprawling that he ends up on top, and keeps working elbows. Faber gets in guard, but nothing really happens there, and the ref stands them back up. Pulver’s eye is swelling up very quickly, and round 3 is over. This round doesn’t have a clearcut winner.

Round 4: Faber goes for a takedown, Pulver drives him into the cage and unloads punches on Faber’s head. Faber comes right back and throws a right. Faber takes down Pulver, and finishes with some tough shots to the head. Jens’ ear is bleeding. Faber has inflicted a lot of damage, though Urijah’s cornrows have been damaged. Round 4 is over - that was all Urijah.

Round 5: More stand-up, and good punches and kicks from both fighters. I would have expected to see Jens try for the homerun here, since he is clearly behind on the scorecard, but this is has been just straight stand-up. Good stand-up, but still, nothing to win the fight.

It’s over, and how often does it happen that the fight lives up to the hype? No question that Faber won, but Pulver was hardly embarrassed. Faber wins 50-44, 50-44, 50-45. Both men are classy and respectful of their opponents and the crowds. Jens also tells us that his fiancee is pregnant. Awww.

With that, this gal needs some shuteye. Thank you for joining me this evening.

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